Making Progress
How funny it is that we expect ourselves to show up to our businesses and to life as the exact same person day after day.
Rhythms intrigue me. The rhythms of life, the rhythms of seasons, the rhythms of days, and the rhythms of my noticing.
Last year I wrote about relishing the “in-between” of the month. And I find myself revisiting those thoughts today.
Lately, I’m sure like many of you, we’ve had gentle snowfalls and we’ve had incredible sunshine. The weather seems confused, and yet, it’s simply that this time of year the seasons are in transition. This in-between is when I realize how much I appreciate each season for what it is.
When the days are sunshiny and warm I have been soaking up every minute of it that I can. I’m enjoying limeades on the patio and getting sprouts started for picnic sandwiches. And when the days turn back cold and gray I find myself relishing the cozy warmth inside with lots of candlelight and fresh baked bread from the oven.
The seasons have their rhythms with the energy waxing and waning.
Over the past year I’ve embraced the rhythms that come within a months time. Some days are productive, others are spent deep in thought. Some days I needs more rest, and some days I’m ready full of energy.
I realize how funny it is that we expect ourselves to show up to our businesses and to life as the exact same person day after day. The motivated, focused person who gets all the tasks on her to-do list done. But, the earth isn’t the same day after day so why do I expect that I’ll be the same day after day?
I certainly think of seasonal rhythms within my life, but it’s in these in-between seasons that I’m reminded that there are daily rhythms that cycle thru my months as well. I’m allowed to show up as I am that day.
It’s this quest to make progress that allows me to show up as I am that day, make the progress that I can make, and rest in the fact that I’ve accomplished my “goal”.
And even as I write this I’m reminding myself that progress isn’t linear.
I’m struggling with this as I grieve the closing of my business and wonder “what next?”.
The plan I had mapped out over the years was one of progression. A path of growth. And yet, here I am having closed my business after substantial growth during 6 years. That growth wasn’t linear — business expanded and contracted despite my best efforts to keep it perpetually in forward motion towards growth. And somehow I still ended up in a place where it financially couldn’t sustain me as it once had. How did I come to this place? How could I be moving forward then be thrust back to the beginning all over again?
In fact, I’ve owned 3 different businesses that showed the same signs of promise. One that was booming one night and shut down by the pandemic the next. Another business that grew to sell to Walmart stores then squelched for a number of reasons a year later. There are times I sit perplexed at how something can grow and then disintegrate in my hands.
Am I a failure of a business owner? What am I doing wrong? Why are many of my friends also finding themselves at a crossroad in careers they’ve given their adulthood to as well?
I’m terrified to start again because I’m scared the next thing will crumble too. I don’t have answers to my questions. I’m perplexed by the regression in my life and yet, I’m again, reminded that progress isn’t always forward motion.
I’m simply trying to absorb all the lessons life has taught me in this past decade, as if I’m collecting momentos from a vintage store, squeezing them to my chest and frantically hoping they’ll stay with me in the next stage of life.
Perhaps, this is just a part of mid-life — the shedding of my past self and emerging as another self. I’m molting and it’s painful and scary. I know from past experience that transitions teach the biggest lessons and truly shape me for the next stage, but I waiver between terrified and exhilarated by this knowledge.
If you were to reflect, what have been the most impactful learnings you’ve taken from your transitions in life?
Your friend,
Ashley